ENGLISH ONLY, PENDEJOS!
But why should this Bad Bunny fellow hog all the MAGA rage?
In the past few days we’ve seen the biggest outpouring of MAGA culture-war outrage since the Cracker Barrel crisis of last August.
I’m talking of course about the Superbowl halftime show on Sunday night. People on social media still are yammering on about it days later.
Guess I’m guilty too.
Right-wing thought leaders exploded:
“… to get up there and perform the whole show in Spanish is a middle finger to the rest of America. Who gives a damn that we have 40 million Spanish speakers in the United States? We have 310 million who don’t speak a lick of Spanish. This is supposed to be a unifying event for the country, not for the Latinos, not for one small group, but for the country. We don’t need a Black national anthem. We don’t need a Spanish-speaking non-English performer. And we don’t need an ICE or America hater featured as our primetime entertainment.”
Megyn Kelly, Santa Claus expert, blood coming out the whatever.
“Illegal aliens and Latin hookers twerking at the Super Bowl. Not a single white person or English translation at the Super Bowl. This isn’t White enough for me.”
Laura Loomer, certified Caucasian, informal Trump advisor.
“The Super Bowl Halftime Show is absolutely terrible, one of the worst, EVER! It makes no sense, is an affront to the Greatness of America, and doesn’t represent our standards of Success, Creativity, or Excellence. Nobody understands a word this guy is saying, and the dancing is disgusting, especially for young children that are watching from throughout the U.S.A., and all over the World”
Donald J. Trump, president of the United States of America, winner of the 2025 FIFA Peace Prize
And the MAGA rank and file loyally followed suit, many also pointing out how a mostly Spanish halftime show is a threat to our American heritage — especially to heritage Americans.
But, is it fair to aim all the righteous indignation at Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio. Using my skills as an investigative reporter, I determined that he’s not the first foreigner (I know, I know, Puerto Rico is part of the U.S. … Technically.) This Plot Against America has been going on for a long time.
I’ll give you just a few examples. Prepare to be OUTRAGED!
Before there was Bad Bunny, there was the Cuban-born Desi Arnaz and his song “Babalu.” Then to pour salt (or as he’d call it, “la sal”) on our wounds, Ricky Ricardo, another Cuban alien in our midst, would sing it on T.V. What a slap in the face to true Americans!
Then came “La Bamba.” All in Spanish! Sung by a MEXICAN! (You’re not fooling anyone, Mr. Valenzuela …) Supposedly he was born in California. But have you ever seen his papers? If he was so American, why didn’t he sing this in English? About the only thing I understand in the whole song is “Soy marinara.” Soy marinara? What kind of idiot would put soy sauce in marinara sauce? He must have thought we were stupid.
But it’s not just Spanish that’s threatening American traditions. For instance, the song “Jole Blon” (aka “Jolie Blon” aka “Jole Blonde” if you’re at least trying to be an American), is sometimes called “The Cajun National Anthem.”
Whaaaaatttttt?????!!!??
As Megyn Kelly says, “We don’t need a Black National Anthem …” But we also don’t need a CAJUN National Anthem, especially one in a foreign language. These people in the video below need to learn to speak English!
Back in the ‘50s, a song called “Volare” by an Italian pop singer named Domencio Modugn crossed our border (Legally? Who knows?) and became a hit And then Modugn had the nerve to come to our country and go on The Ed Sullivan Show — an American institution, just like the Superbowl! — and sang his foreign song! Nobody understood a word! I mean, even Topo Gigio had the decency to speak English!
O.K., I know it’s only been a few weeks since Christmas, but the next couple of songs speak to a terrible assault on the most important holiday of the Christian faith and American values. If we’re not careful, they’ll be back in December!
Jose Feliciano — another Puerto Rican! — waged his personal WAR ON CHRISTMAS years before Fox News was even around to report this ongoing attack. True, he switches to English and sings “I wanna wish you a merry Christmas” in the refrain. But sorry, Jose, that’s too little, too late!
And even earlier, there was another little piece of alien Christmas subversion: “Mele Kalikimaka” performed by those well-known Antifa blasphemers Bing Crosby and The Andrews Sisters.
It’s true that most of this song was in English. But when will these haters and losers get it through their thick woke skulls that it’s not “Mele Kalikimaka,” it’s not “Feliz Navidad,” it’s MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!!
And finally, here’s a song that doesn’t even try to sound like English. I don’t know where these guys are from, but they should go back there!
O.K., I’ve had enough fake outrage for this week.
Including my own.
So in conclusion, as a palate-cleanser, I’ll leave you with a song from the late great Al Hurricane, El Godfather of New Mexico music.
There is a teardrop falling because I wasted a day and a night waiting for your mention of Baldemar Huerta? Freddie Fender.
Rodger makes a good point. Who else did I miss?